…and the Year of the Ox! (I’m an ox…in the Chinese tradition)
In the past few years, I’ve really let my expectations of myself slide. Well, rethinking that – I don’t know if I ever really had expectations or if I just arrived on Earth programmed to try hard at things I enjoy (almost everything). I never struggled in high school or early college with what I wanted to do. I just knew and went with it. But I know that it took effort, it wasn’t all just letting it roll by.
Lately I’ve gotten lazy. Whether it’s my art, writing, relationships, or the housework…I’ve felt like I’m not doing anything whole-heartedly anymore. I say I’ll do something later, and that later just keeps getting pushed further and further until it’s a month later and I still haven’t done one thing (that probably would take me 5 minutes to do in the first place!). I make excuses for why I’m not going to paint tonight, or why I didn’t write yesterday – even though I want these things so badly it bleeds. I don’t really consciously do much of anything, and I want to be more aware and more gracious in my everyday actions.